Gopher it you gulls!

My father-in-law says there are more gophers this year than he has ever seen. I almost didn't plant my garden because I'm quite sure it will get eaten the moment it appears above the surface. It hasn't appeared yet - is that suspicious?
Our parish priest has come out several times with his gun to shoot the little pests (oops - are there any environmentalists reading this?) He says he has shot well over 500, and my brother-in-law has shot some, too. My husband uses strychnine, in low enough doses so that it kills the gophers but not the birds that eat the little dead bodies. We think, actually, the gophers have developed a taste for it. When everyone is done shooting and poisoning, then the gulls come around and clean up all the remains. I wish they would do their own dirty work!
I'm getting a little alarmed at the damage all this is doing to my character. When driving on the highway, I used to get a little traumatized at the demise of each little rodent who got in our way. The other day, when Daniel was driving, he swerved and hit a gopher on purpose and I laughed maniacally.